Article in Oprah Magazine, July 2010
I just finished reading an article in the latest Oprah Magazine, titled, "A Deeper Love". The subject dealt with the horrible death of a Mother, at the hand of her own son. The article, however, dealt with much deeper issues and how a son ended up murdering his own Mother. More importantly, it dealt with religious fanatacism and what led to the ending result.
The story dealt with an Italian-American couple from Syracuse, New York, Paul and Esther. Their adult daughter, 44-year-old Pam, lived nearby with her only son, Tim. Pam's husband and father to Tim, was a firefighter who had been killed in the line of duty while fighting a fire in the local area. The entire family was devastated, and all of the family, grandparents, Pam, and son Tim, were members of the close-knit church, known as the Christian Apostolic Church, "a devout congregation that was unaffiliated with any specific denomination". At the head of the church, was the minister, Frank Giuliano, or Brother Frank as he was known.
This was the part of the story that reeled me in. Brother Frank ruled the church and made a name for himself by teaching that God was wrathful, if loving, who could be appeased only by utter obeisance (think obedience). He had a charismatic style, a cerebral take on the Bible, and the community was drawn to him because of security and his demeanor. Brother Frank taught that any "apostate" who rebeled against "his church" was guilty of nothing less than "recrucifying Jesus Christ". He continually cited scripture and went beyond the normal "acknowledging Jesus Christ as our personal savior", but also preached that to be a part of his church, "it involved giving up our rights to ourselves in order to become His own possession". Many in the congregation believe Brother Frank could discern God's will, and referred to him as a 'prophet and the annoited, who routinely consulted with God about personal matters".
According to the article, Brother Frank's tough love stance produced an obedient, tight-knit parish. Members routinely went to him for guidance on financial, marital, and other items. Brother Frank was known to chastise from the pulpit, sometimes at the expense of local members. Needless to say, his standing in the community was high.
As Tim grew older, and after losing his Father, he was soon under the grips of a Mother who was extremely protective, to the point of being possesive and smothering. Adding to the pressure, was the fact that Tim was severely depressed and appeared to have homosexual tendencies. Tim's Mother Pam worred so much about it that she constantly nagged him and relentlessly criticized him. In fact, she sent Tim to a drama coach and speech therapist, and made him repeat sentences over and over in a gravelly voice, so that he would not "sound gay". Pam also turned to Brother Frank, who also preached about homosexuality and the fact that it should be treated as an aggrevious sin. The mood in their home grew unbearably tense, until at last Tim snapped when Pam turned off the television and instructed Tim to read aloud from a book of biblical analysis by Brother Frank. Pam instructed Tim to repeat the reading, over and over, as an exercise in changing his "voice". Eventually, Tim reached his breaking point and was overcome with a feverish wave of anger. He snapped and lunged at Pam, and killed her in their own home.
Tim turned himself in within a few hours. He now is in prison, charged with the murder of his Mother. What was ironic about the story was the fact that Esther, the Grandmother and Mother of Pam, eventually left the church and became an advocate of her own grandson. She supported her grandson and cooperated at his sentencing. She was openly critical of the ministry and talked about the extreme emotional disturbance of her grandson Tim, which was in part caused by a fanatical Mother, and an overbearing Church and minister, Brother Frank. The court agreed that Tim's actions were, in part, caused by circumstances, and concluded" You cannot read this kid's story and be a sentinent human being and not feel some degree of sympathy, despite his horrific actions".
One of the most powerful lines of the story, to me, was when the Judge characterized Pam, the Mother, as loving, but also spoke of her having "failed herself", and Tim. Pam refused professional care for herself and/or her son, but instead put all of her faith in a Church that was not in a position to deal with personal issues of that magnitude.
How many of us in life have "failed ourself"? How many times have we "looked the other way" or practiced "obedience" at the risk of hurting another, or hurting ourselves? How many times have we quietly listened, when it was time to "speak up"? More importantly, if we make an effort to "fail no one", then we certainly won't be able to "fail ourselves".
I just finished reading an article in the latest Oprah Magazine, titled, "A Deeper Love". The subject dealt with the horrible death of a Mother, at the hand of her own son. The article, however, dealt with much deeper issues and how a son ended up murdering his own Mother. More importantly, it dealt with religious fanatacism and what led to the ending result.
The story dealt with an Italian-American couple from Syracuse, New York, Paul and Esther. Their adult daughter, 44-year-old Pam, lived nearby with her only son, Tim. Pam's husband and father to Tim, was a firefighter who had been killed in the line of duty while fighting a fire in the local area. The entire family was devastated, and all of the family, grandparents, Pam, and son Tim, were members of the close-knit church, known as the Christian Apostolic Church, "a devout congregation that was unaffiliated with any specific denomination". At the head of the church, was the minister, Frank Giuliano, or Brother Frank as he was known.
This was the part of the story that reeled me in. Brother Frank ruled the church and made a name for himself by teaching that God was wrathful, if loving, who could be appeased only by utter obeisance (think obedience). He had a charismatic style, a cerebral take on the Bible, and the community was drawn to him because of security and his demeanor. Brother Frank taught that any "apostate" who rebeled against "his church" was guilty of nothing less than "recrucifying Jesus Christ". He continually cited scripture and went beyond the normal "acknowledging Jesus Christ as our personal savior", but also preached that to be a part of his church, "it involved giving up our rights to ourselves in order to become His own possession". Many in the congregation believe Brother Frank could discern God's will, and referred to him as a 'prophet and the annoited, who routinely consulted with God about personal matters".
According to the article, Brother Frank's tough love stance produced an obedient, tight-knit parish. Members routinely went to him for guidance on financial, marital, and other items. Brother Frank was known to chastise from the pulpit, sometimes at the expense of local members. Needless to say, his standing in the community was high.
As Tim grew older, and after losing his Father, he was soon under the grips of a Mother who was extremely protective, to the point of being possesive and smothering. Adding to the pressure, was the fact that Tim was severely depressed and appeared to have homosexual tendencies. Tim's Mother Pam worred so much about it that she constantly nagged him and relentlessly criticized him. In fact, she sent Tim to a drama coach and speech therapist, and made him repeat sentences over and over in a gravelly voice, so that he would not "sound gay". Pam also turned to Brother Frank, who also preached about homosexuality and the fact that it should be treated as an aggrevious sin. The mood in their home grew unbearably tense, until at last Tim snapped when Pam turned off the television and instructed Tim to read aloud from a book of biblical analysis by Brother Frank. Pam instructed Tim to repeat the reading, over and over, as an exercise in changing his "voice". Eventually, Tim reached his breaking point and was overcome with a feverish wave of anger. He snapped and lunged at Pam, and killed her in their own home.
Tim turned himself in within a few hours. He now is in prison, charged with the murder of his Mother. What was ironic about the story was the fact that Esther, the Grandmother and Mother of Pam, eventually left the church and became an advocate of her own grandson. She supported her grandson and cooperated at his sentencing. She was openly critical of the ministry and talked about the extreme emotional disturbance of her grandson Tim, which was in part caused by a fanatical Mother, and an overbearing Church and minister, Brother Frank. The court agreed that Tim's actions were, in part, caused by circumstances, and concluded" You cannot read this kid's story and be a sentinent human being and not feel some degree of sympathy, despite his horrific actions".
One of the most powerful lines of the story, to me, was when the Judge characterized Pam, the Mother, as loving, but also spoke of her having "failed herself", and Tim. Pam refused professional care for herself and/or her son, but instead put all of her faith in a Church that was not in a position to deal with personal issues of that magnitude.
How many of us in life have "failed ourself"? How many times have we "looked the other way" or practiced "obedience" at the risk of hurting another, or hurting ourselves? How many times have we quietly listened, when it was time to "speak up"? More importantly, if we make an effort to "fail no one", then we certainly won't be able to "fail ourselves".
posted by Susan | 11:42 AM
2 Comments:
Very good story with a good message.
Susan,
Thanks for the kind words about my article. I am writing a longer version of this story as a Kindle Single e-book, due out in late 2012 or early 2013. Follow updates on Twitter @markobbie or at markobbie.com.
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