Article in Oprah Magazine, July 2010

I just finished reading an article in the latest Oprah Magazine, titled, "A Deeper Love". The subject dealt with the horrible death of a Mother, at the hand of her own son. The article, however, dealt with much deeper issues and how a son ended up murdering his own Mother. More importantly, it dealt with religious fanatacism and what led to the ending result.

The story dealt with an Italian-American couple from Syracuse, New York, Paul and Esther. Their adult daughter, 44-year-old Pam, lived nearby with her only son, Tim. Pam's husband and father to Tim, was a firefighter who had been killed in the line of duty while fighting a fire in the local area. The entire family was devastated, and all of the family, grandparents, Pam, and son Tim, were members of the close-knit church, known as the Christian Apostolic Church, "a devout congregation that was unaffiliated with any specific denomination". At the head of the church, was the minister, Frank Giuliano, or Brother Frank as he was known.

This was the part of the story that reeled me in. Brother Frank ruled the church and made a name for himself by teaching that God was wrathful, if loving, who could be appeased only by utter obeisance (think obedience). He had a charismatic style, a cerebral take on the Bible, and the community was drawn to him because of security and his demeanor. Brother Frank taught that any "apostate" who rebeled against "his church" was guilty of nothing less than "recrucifying Jesus Christ". He continually cited scripture and went beyond the normal "acknowledging Jesus Christ as our personal savior", but also preached that to be a part of his church, "it involved giving up our rights to ourselves in order to become His own possession". Many in the congregation believe Brother Frank could discern God's will, and referred to him as a 'prophet and the annoited, who routinely consulted with God about personal matters".

According to the article, Brother Frank's tough love stance produced an obedient, tight-knit parish. Members routinely went to him for guidance on financial, marital, and other items. Brother Frank was known to chastise from the pulpit, sometimes at the expense of local members. Needless to say, his standing in the community was high.

As Tim grew older, and after losing his Father, he was soon under the grips of a Mother who was extremely protective, to the point of being possesive and smothering. Adding to the pressure, was the fact that Tim was severely depressed and appeared to have homosexual tendencies. Tim's Mother Pam worred so much about it that she constantly nagged him and relentlessly criticized him. In fact, she sent Tim to a drama coach and speech therapist, and made him repeat sentences over and over in a gravelly voice, so that he would not "sound gay". Pam also turned to Brother Frank, who also preached about homosexuality and the fact that it should be treated as an aggrevious sin. The mood in their home grew unbearably tense, until at last Tim snapped when Pam turned off the television and instructed Tim to read aloud from a book of biblical analysis by Brother Frank. Pam instructed Tim to repeat the reading, over and over, as an exercise in changing his "voice". Eventually, Tim reached his breaking point and was overcome with a feverish wave of anger. He snapped and lunged at Pam, and killed her in their own home.

Tim turned himself in within a few hours. He now is in prison, charged with the murder of his Mother. What was ironic about the story was the fact that Esther, the Grandmother and Mother of Pam, eventually left the church and became an advocate of her own grandson. She supported her grandson and cooperated at his sentencing. She was openly critical of the ministry and talked about the extreme emotional disturbance of her grandson Tim, which was in part caused by a fanatical Mother, and an overbearing Church and minister, Brother Frank. The court agreed that Tim's actions were, in part, caused by circumstances, and concluded" You cannot read this kid's story and be a sentinent human being and not feel some degree of sympathy, despite his horrific actions".

One of the most powerful lines of the story, to me, was when the Judge characterized Pam, the Mother, as loving, but also spoke of her having "failed herself", and Tim. Pam refused professional care for herself and/or her son, but instead put all of her faith in a Church that was not in a position to deal with personal issues of that magnitude.

How many of us in life have "failed ourself"? How many times have we "looked the other way" or practiced "obedience" at the risk of hurting another, or hurting ourselves? How many times have we quietly listened, when it was time to "speak up"? More importantly, if we make an effort to "fail no one", then we certainly won't be able to "fail ourselves".

Back (Again) from Disneyland

July 2010. We went again. There were 14 of us and we had a ball. The participants: Rich, Susan (me), Emily and fiancee Brendan, Jesse and girlfriend Jenni; Bill, Taylor and new wife Megan, Austin, McKell and hubby Zack, and Katelan; as well as our good family friend, Chris Truman. We had so much fun. We stayed at the Desert Inn and Suites, across the street on Harbor. We packed in 3 days of continuous fun. We hit Newport Beach, as well as the Crab Cooker. We saw the new "World of Color" in California Adventure. And, to top it all off, we ate at Club 33, a once in a lifetime experience. It was fun, we all got along, and I can't wait to go again!

Blogs are for Everyone

It seems like I get so much pleasure out of reading everyone else's blog. I checked today and the date of my last blog was in 2007. Time to step up to the plate and start writing again.

I love reading my best friend's blog. He is so intelligent, and he writes about a variety of topics. It sometimes gives me a chance to delve into his mind, although not often. He rarely gets personal.

My brother's blogs are fun to read. A lot involve music. He wrote a fun one recently on how he hates country music. It was right on. He also wrote one on the death of Les Paul, a guitar icon. He wrote about his weekend trip to Vegas with Corey and Raymond to see Peter Frampton.

Megan writes about her family and my boys (I call them my boys, since thus far it appears I will not be getting any grand children in the near future). They are such an adorable family. She is an excellent writer. It is my way of keeping in touch with their family.

Future posts are on their way.

Saying "I Love You"

I work in an office setting. I have my own cubicle, my own "space". But, a cubicle does not provide a whole lot of privacy.

I work with mostly males. It is so interesting to listen to them as they talk to their wives. Some are straight and to the point, and rarely make or receive personal phone calls. Others are on the phone with their wives throughout the day. Although I don't intentionally listen to their conversations (in fact, most of the time I can block them out), occasionally it is common to hear "I Love You" as they end their calls. It shows a small, personal side of the males that I'm surrounded by on an almost daily basis.

I often wonder about the expression "I Love You". Does it need to be said everytime you make a phone call? Everytime you check an appointment with your spouse? Everytime you hang up the phone? I have a coworker that I can hear through the wall. He is a wonderfully nice guy, in fact a little too nice (is that possible?). He is also notorious for talking to his wife on an at least hourly basis, and each time is showered with "I Love You's". Once in a while it tugs at the heart strings, but sometimes it makes me roll my eyes.

I don't know when it's appropriate and when it is not. Some people are completely comfortable with using the expression often. Others are not so comfortable. I had a friend who told me that later in her life she found someone who she truly felt like she loved. She finally got the nerve to tell him. At first it seemed okay, but she said that she ended up telling him way too much, and eventually he told her to back off. She said he sent her mixed signals, however. He wanted to know where she stood in their relationship. He often said, "tell me something profound" and she assumed that meant expressions of love. But she said that she later found that she didn't need to profess her love as often, that actions would have to suffice. And she also said that she had to let her companion know that she needed to occasionally hear his expressions of love and that he needed to learn to communicate to her because it was so important to her. Apparently it has been a learning experience for both, and one they are still working on.

I miss the opportunity to tell my Mom that I love her. However, I know that wherever she is, she knows.

Love Letters

I knew that my mother had saved her letters from my father when he was away in the Army. So, after my mother died last year, I was cleaning out her dresser and came upon the letters. At least 50 of them, maybe more. Letters from my father to my mother while he was stationed at Fort Lewis, Washington, just out of high school.

The letters have been such a joy to read. It has shown me a side of my parents (especially my Father) that I knew little about. As I have read each letter, it has brought a smile to my face, an occasional tear, and a bit of appreciation for my parents and their courtship. My father virtually began each letter with "My Darling" and signed each with "All My Love, Jimmie".

As I have struggled this past year with the death of my mother, one of the hardships has been helping my father to cope with her death, helping him through his own physical ailments, and helping him to continue on. My father has taken a lot of my energy, and sometimes I have been overwhelmed with his persistent telephone calls and demands. He has not handled her death as I had thought he would. He has reverted back a bit to where he depends on me more and more. It has been hard to watch him "go downhill" and not go on with life in an easier manner. He truly has been lost without my mother.

So, it has been refreshing and buoyant for me to read his words to my mother. Words of love, words of homesickness, words of hope, words of despair. At times he would brag about being at Fort Lewis and serving his country, his love for the Army and the unit. Yet at other times, he would rue the day he even went there to begin with, and couldn't wait to get home. More importantly, he was insecure about my mother still being at home, still being in high school and dating, and in many of the letters reiterated the fact that they were "engaged". He spoke lovingly in his letters about his own mother, and constantly encouraged my mom to visit with his mother. He asked about the local high school sports, especially Lehi vs. American Fork and/or Pleasant Grove.

It was interesting that in one of his letters, he spoke about having "5 kids" (they had 3) and that their first daughter should be named "Marsha". I'm not a Marsha, so I don't know where they changed their minds on that, but I'm glad.

Dad's letters also spoke longingly about his chance to get home. He couldn't wait for Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or for a long leave when he could come home. He clearly was homesick. Sometimes he said the food was okay, at other times he hated it. I'm sure it didn't compare at all with his mother's homecooked meals, because she was a wonderful cook.

All-in-all, it has been a joy to read these letters. I have seen my parents in a different light, i.e., at the ripe old age of 18 or 19, young and in love. It helps me to see how much my father did love my mother and has offered me insight into their love and courtship.

Trolley Square

My daughter suggested that we visit Trolley Square. I, too, had thought about the importance of returning to the square, not only out of respect to those who died there, but to give support to those who are still living there, i.e., running a business and moving on with their lives.

It has been 2 weeks since, for unknown reasons, an 18-year-old boy entered Trolley Square and shot 9 people, killing 5 in the process. The reasons will most likely never be known.

When we pulled in the parking lot on Saturday night, it was packed. I don't remember seeing that many cars there in a long, long time. I suspect other people were there for the same reasons we were: to pay our respects in a small way and to just "be there".

When we entered through the north doors, immediately I recognized the store, "Cabin Fever" where 4 of the 5 victims died. We passed by and went to the south part of the mall, where a fountain and makeshift shrine was located. There were hundreds of cards, messages, flowers, candles, poems, scriptures, drawings, plants, etc., all in a small, simple way expressing sorrow at the loss of 5 innocent people. Some flowers were old, others fresh that day. Some cards were brief, either saying a few small words or nothing, while some were lengthy and filled with words of despair, hope, sorrow. Little children had hand-written notes and drew pictures, as a way of expressing their sadness. It was very moving.

After taking our time to see this outpouring of love, we shopped through the mall, and eventually made it to "Cabin Fever". This is a fun store which features cards of all tastes and novelty items. It is easy to see why a crowd of people would have been in there that night, shortly before Valentine's Day. It made me feel sad to enter the store, yet I was determined to be there and to make a purchase to show my support to the proprietor. As I paid for my few, small purchases, I told him that I felt the need to be there and support him, and asked if he was doing okay. He said that he has been overwhelmed with the love and support he has received from the community, and he thanked me for "stopping in". I wished I could have hugged him, but felt that the purchase and words were suffice to say, "I care".

It was a surreal experience. I am glad that I went a bit outside of my comfort zone to again return to one of my favorite malls. I am thankful that there were people from all persuasions there to support the storekeepers and others and to show that life truly does go on.

The Birds

I never thought I'd be interested in birds. I'm still not. However, with that said, I have had a brief moment in my life where I have witnessed some pretty incredible sights while walking.

Along the Provo River Trail, there are some tall, old trees that border the river. These trees have become a resting spot for the Bald Eagle. Sometimes not only one, but two, three, or four at a time (the most we've seen in 2006-2007). A few years ago, we saw 14+ at one time in the trees. It was truly a remarkable site. They are beautiful, majestic birds, and it is always amazing to watch them. They are only there during the winter months, and it seems that the colder the weather, the better chance you have of seeing them.

Not long ago as we were walking, there was one bald eagle in the tree that had no doubt swept up a duck who was swimming along the river below. He had the duck tucked up under his wing, and I think the duck may have still been alive. It was remarkable to see this, and I'm not sure that we'll see something like it again. I'm sure that the duck wasn't around long, because the eagle had a hold of him and was clearly in charge of the situation.

Another time when we were walking, a large bird flew from a tree above us to across the river. It was a Great Horned Owl. We obviously spooked him as we walked, and I suppose we were as surprised to see him as he was to see us. Again, a very beautiful bird. Oft times when we have passed that spot, I have looked again for the owl, but have never been lucky enough to see the Great Horned Owl since that one day. I suspect we were lucky to see him.

One day we were walking at another spot along the trail. Not more than 10-20 feet in front of us, two quail came out of the brush and onto the trail, followed by their tiny newborn quail, all in a row rapidly behind them. I know that I was again lucky to see such a sight. The adults quickly departed the trail to the other side, with the tiny newborns right behind them. It melted my heart to see this precious little family unit on the trail.

We have seen beautiful ducks throughout our walks, some very common, and some not so common. Unfortunately, I am not able to identify the different varieties, but know that I am lucky to see these different birds in their natural environment. I sometimes feel like I am infringing upon their territory (which I am), but thus far we have all "gotten along" and each seems to be aware of the other.

Movies of 2006

One of the nice things about having good friends who share common interests is that movies have once again become a priority. For a while, it seemed like I rarely saw any movies, but the year 2006 proved to be a bit different. Listed below is a brief summary of some of the movies I saw during the year.

Comedy in a Muslim World: This was an Albert Brooks movie. I think that Brooks is an acquired taste, and I have always been entertained by his movies. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie and got a kick out of his spin on trying to be a comedian in a not so friendly part of the world. I laughed throughout the movie; at times I felt like I was the only one laughing in the theatre, but that's Albert Brooks for you....his humor effects people in different ways.

The Queen: I was not sure what to expect of this movie. However, it turned out to be very intriguing and I enjoyed the movie. It dealt with the days after the death of Princess Diana, and Queen Elizabeth's struggles within the monarchy/interactions with Tony Blair/and the necessity of the Queen to change her perception of what the British public expected of her. Helen Mirren gave an incredible performance as Queen Elizabeth. I will not be surprised if she receives an oscar for her portrayal of the Queen.

The Invincible: A feel good sports movie. The true story of Philadelphia Eagle Vince Papale and his rise to become a pro football player. It was a bit cheesy, another movie about the "down and out" who make it. However, I think movies like this are occasionally a necessity, particularly when true, because we have so many negatives in the world that an occasional feel good story is nice.

Stranger than Fiction: This probably was my favorite movie if the year. It starred Will Farrell in a role that I'm not sure I was prepared to accept. He plays a IRS auditor who is able to hear narration about his life, including pending disasters. It was a clever, well-done movie. I cried at the end, which surprised even me. It tugged at my heart strings.

Casino Royale: I'm not a big James Bond fan, but enjoyed this movie. It had enough twists to keep it interesting, and Daniel Craig is the "new" James Bond. It's definitely worth the price of admission just to ogle him, lol. The beautiful cinema is evident throughout the movie, so you get an added bonus...Daniel Craig and beautiful scenery. I enjoyed the movie and will definitely see more of the James Bond flicks.

The Departed: I was a bit hesitant to see this movie. I know that when you're dealing with a Martin Scorcese movie, it can be a bit off the wall. This movie was no exception. It was violent, yet charming. It was dark, yet comical. Jack Nicholson, as always, is a great actor. It had enough twists to make it interesting.

Neil Young, Heart of Gold: I am a huge fan of Neil Young. This was a great documentary of his music. It included new releases, as well as old classics. It was filmed in Nashville and included a complete backup band and singers, including Neil's wife Pegi as well as Emmylou Harris. I loved the movie, and enjoyed every song. Neil has an interesting personality, which came through during the music in his songs.

The Prestige and The Illusionist: two movies which dealt with magic. I enjoyed both, as magic has always intrigued me. I felt The Prestige was a bit more realistic, but both were highly entertaining. Two magic movies with a lot of twists to keep you entertained.

The Devil Wears Prada: Meryl Streep plays the ultimate witch (with a "b") in this movie. It was a movie which showed the inside of the fashion world, supposedly loosely based on a true story. Streep played her ruthless role to the hilt. Another oscar nominee?

Inside Man: Denzel Washington and Clive Owen about an inside bank heist. It was entertaining and fun. Jodie Foster also starred. It was one of those that you didn't know the outcome until the very end. I particularly enjoyed the brief exchanges between Washington and Owen. I thought it was well-written.

DaVinci Code: Although this movie didn't get a lot of favorable reviews, I thought that Ron Howard did a decent job of a complex subject. The book was long and included so many twists and turns. The movie was no exception. I enjoyed Tom Hanks and his portrayal of Dr. Robert Langdon. I was especially intrigued by the movie and where it took place, and would love to visit Paris to see some of the sites for myself.

Brokeback Mountain: I think this movie was released in late 2005, but I saw it in early 2006. I enjoyed the movie, but would say that it was "much ado about nothing". The scenery was beautiful (filmed in the Canadian Rockies, not Wyoming where the story takes place). It was controversial because of the gay theme, yet I really was not uncomfortable with the story, and thought Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhal both did a commendable job of acting.


Worst movie of 2006: Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. What a pathetic, disgusting movie. And it got good reviews, to boot! I find it ironic that of the movies listed above, one of my favorites was "Stranger than Fiction", yet this Will Farrell movie ranks as one of the worst movies I have ever had the pleasure of attending.

Overall: I enjoy movies, and probably missed a few that I should have mentioned. Overall, I think that movies have become too long. Almost without exception every movie listed above could have been edited to not be so long. I'm not sure for the purpose in longer movies, but I am one movie buff who votes for shorter movies.